Sometimes…

… I just wanna kill myself and forget that people exist. It’s so much difference that I feel lost, it’s like the world is conspiring against me and it will never change. But why? I’m a good person, I intend to be fair and helpful, lovely and caring. I don’t know, maybe the world is not ready for me, or I’ve born in the wrong world. I say world because I’ve changed country and continent and it still the same. Maybe I’m wrong about everything, about me as well, so I’m a stupid little asshole pretending to be good, but I’m not, I’m just as bad as someone who is bad, really bad. Or maybe I don’t exist, as I thought before, so I’m dreaming and desperate to wake up. Maybe I’m just people’s fool, that exist to give joy for the ones that surrounds me, or pain, which makes more sense due to the things that are happening now. I feel bad, and desperate to be fine and stop to losing me inside myself. I want to be outside, but it’s not possible now. I have two songs in my head that explain my situation… and that also hold me here, and give me hopes to be a better person soon. I’m miserable, because I choose to be, what makes me feel even more miserable, and without will to go up. But I’m desperate, and kind a drunk, so it doesn’t make sense. I needed you, but now I need me, and I don’t where I am.